Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
