Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
