I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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