I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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