I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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