i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
