I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
