Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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