you guys were way drunker than both of me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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