I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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