The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
