i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
