I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
