I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
