If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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