I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
