1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
