I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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