dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
