He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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