You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
