I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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