EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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