I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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