I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
