Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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