I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
