he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
