ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize