i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
