You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
