So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
