Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
