ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
