I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
