How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
