the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
