remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
two words...techno handjob
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
