Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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