Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
