OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
