Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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