Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
