I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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