I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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