A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
