Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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