remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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