this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
