oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
