My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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