I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
