Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
