She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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