I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I just put wine in my tea
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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