There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
