I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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