i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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