I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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