I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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