I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
