I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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