i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
